I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
