What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
