I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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