My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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