I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
