So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
