Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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