every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Boobs are out for the taking
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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