he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's the barista slut.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
