Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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