its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
