He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
