omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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