tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
