a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
