Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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