anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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