She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
