In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
