May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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