no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
