Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
