You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
