Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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