It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
