jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
