But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
