guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
