when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
