okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
