So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
