he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
