I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
