check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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