He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
