Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
