have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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