Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
