yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
