so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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