I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
