dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
