mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
