OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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