you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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