hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
