I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
