I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
