I just threw up on my dentist
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
