I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
