The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am naked and annoyed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
