i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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