things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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