I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
