I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
