its not stalking. its research.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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