And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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