none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
