yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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