so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
